reluctant（UnwillingAStoryofResentment）

Unwilling:AStoryofResentment

Itallstartedinmychildhood.MyparentspushedmetodothingsIdidn'twanttodo,frompianolessonstochurchattendance.Ifeltsuffocatedbytheirexpectationsandresentedthemforit.AsIgrewup,myunwillingnesstocomplyonlyintensified.

AnUnwillingTeenager

Inhighschool,IwasforcedtotakeadvancedclassesandparticipateinextracurricularactivitiesIhadnointerestin.Yetagain,myparentsexpectedmetoexcelandachievetheirdefinitionofsuccess.Irebelledbyunderperformingandskippingschool.Itdidn'thelpthatIwasalsostrugglingwithdepressionandanxiety,whichmyparentsrefusedtoacknowledge.Ifeltmisunderstoodandalone.

AnUnwillingAdult

Evennow,asanadult,IstrugglewithdoingthingsIdon'twanttodo.Ifindmyselfavoidingresponsibilitiesandprocrastinating,whichonlyaddstomystressandanxiety.IknowthatIneedtotakeactionandmakechangesinmylife,butthethoughtofdoingsoisoverwhelming.I'mafraidoffailinganddisappointingthosearoundmeyetagain.

CopingwithUnwillingness

I'vecometorealizethatmyunwillingnessstemsfromalackofcontrol.Growingup,Ifeltlikemylifewasbeingdictatedbyothers,andIhadnosayinthematter.Now,Itrytotakecontrolofmylifebysettingboundariesandbeinghonestwithmyselfandthosearoundme.I'vealsosoughttherapytoworkthroughmyfeelingsofresentmentandtolearnhealthycopingmechanisms.

Unwillingnessisnotadesirabletrait,butit'ssomethingmanypeoplestrugglewith.It'simportanttoidentifytherootcauseofourunwillingnessandtotakeproactivestepstowardsaddressingit.Throughunderstandingandself-reflection,wecanbecomemorewillingandultimatelyleadhappier,morefulfillinglives.